8 December 2003: Freedom

Getting a buttload of traffic on this site lately. Some great new search terms in the referrer logs today:

• ineffable name of god

• monkey on tightrope

• extinguish flaming sambuca

• fight club ritual

I sure hope everyone's finding what they need.

My commitment to posting my notes from every Initiations lab session sure does make for frequent journal entries.

Third session yesterday. Two of the newbies have dropped out, skewing the gender balance toward the masculine. If everyone else is really in for the long haul, then it's a much lower dropout rate than anticipated, and a fairly large group (14, I think). A good bunch of people to be working with, too. There was a waiting list, so it's possible that Sherpa will be inviting two more women to join us, which will bring us back up to 16 and restore the gender balance (which does make a difference in the feel).

Struck by the intense sense of psychic history that is evoked by glimpses of the familiar characteristic ritual movement habits of those with whom I've done a lot of this work in the past. Similar to the way that photos of the Great Wall of China or certain Greek ruins sometimes flood me with past-life memories.

I don't know what ritual movement patterns the others think of as being characteristic of me, but Syrinx assures me that I've got 'em.

More on the freedom of humility: Within the asocial paratheatrical setting, I quickly got over trying to impress other people. But I've spent years stuck trying to impress myself. The process of catching myself at this, learning to laugh at it, and getting over it, is the most initiatic aspect of this lab for me so far.

I have attained increased freedom by giving myself permission to be unspectacular.

Lots of emphasis on no-form.

As more notes accumulate, I've decided that I have neither the time nor the patience to explain terms and ritual forms with which I'm already familiar. Curious readers looking to make sense of my lab notes should read Towards an Archeology of the Soul, or at least read this excerpt online.

No-form notes:

1.) I instinctively recognize people in no-form as being part of the space, rather than occupants of the space.

2.) Use the Stillness phase of the warmup as no-form practice.

3.) Try treating no-form as an existing space to be entered into, rather than something that must be worked toward by getting rid of everything that isn't no-form. Not that the latter method is in any way unsound - it's just that it's how I've always approached the work, and I need a new approach to keep it fresh and alive.

4.) Pay attention to the flashes of silence between thoughts.

"Looks like freedom but it feels like death -
It's something in between, I guess..."

- Leonard Cohen, "Closing Time"