29 December 2003: Shifting

Final entry of the year.

Saturday evening, Dragon Lady and I went into the City for the dual birthday celebration of Lexicat and Da Rong Jo. Dined at the Samovar Tea House with Lexicat, Da Rong Jo, Stagewalker, Lizard, and two friends of Lexicat's whom I hadn't met before and don't know well enough to come up with kennings for, but who were most charming and delightful.

Stagewalker took off soon after I arrived, to go get ready for his performance that night in Lunatique Fantastique's Construction Cabaret. After much hanging out at drinking of tea, the rest of us headed off to the theater to watch him (or rather, to watch puppets made out of various tools and found objects, manipulated by him and his fellow performers). Great show. T-Bear met us at the theater and joined us for the show, and afterward we grabbed Stagewalker and hung out at a bar.

I'm noting shifts in my friendships - people who I was once very close to who I'm drifting out of touch with (Bonky), and other people who are turning from "friends" to "close friends" (Lexicat, Stagewalker). My friendship with Argus may well be over, or at least at the beginning of a long hiatus. I need to get back in touch with Moly. I'm currently playing phone tag with Cogito. And this year has seen the renewal of my friendship with Ace, and the beginning of my friendship with Yoko (whom I still haven't met in person).

"Did you know that giant pandas are not bears, but actually a member of the raccoon family? To test this theory, we've replaced Brent's coffee with a live raccoon. Let's see if he notices..."

- Scott Kurtz, PVP Online

Last night was the ninth session of the Initiations lab. The beginning of the second half. Began the session by sitting in a circle and stating our names, and why we were there - which we all found quite amusing, since conventionally this is an activity that is done at the beginning of the first meeting of a group, rather than the ninth meeting. Truly asocial group work is a rare and beautiful thing.

When it was my turn to state why I was there, I said, "I'm here because this form allows me to work through my karma at an accelerated pace, and I'm too impatient to do it at the regular pace."

It occurred to me afterward that "I'm here because it keeps me honest" would have been a more honest answer, less tinged with vanity and vain self-deprecation. Which led me to try the Personal Polarity of Vanity/Honesty, which turned out to carry a powerful charge, and seemed much richer than last week's Vanity/Freedom polarity. Both sides developed into strong, full-body gestures and resonant sounds. Did some satisfying sobbing (without tears) in my initial reaction to the Honesty side, but was able to move on into expressive gesture instead of getting beguiled into lingering in the enticing realm of cathartic indulgence.

Breakthroughs happening, for me and others. We're working on expanding our movement vocabularies. After the session, Sherpa gave each of us a brief suggestion on a direction to pursue. His suggestion to me was to play with sliding my center of gravity around, shifting it between hara, heart, and head. Very astute of him. I’ve been training since I started aikido, almost 22 years ago, to keep my center of gravity down in my hara, which is pretty much where one ought to keep it when doing most martial arts and when attempting to go about one's life in a grounded sort of way. It’s a very practical place to keep one’s center. But at this point, I’ve got that bit down. Center of gravity in my hara is my default state. I can afford to play with it now. I mean, inside one’s mouth is the practical default location for one’s tongue, but one’s range of expression and one's potential for fun would be sadly limited if one always kept one’s tongue in one’s mouth. So in tomorrow night’s session I’ll start playing with sliding my center up and down, and see what happens.

Tomrrow, also, my parents get into town. And Wednesday is Bone Council and the Party, and Thursday is more of the Party, and I’ll write more sometime after that.

Today it rained and rained and rained, and I was sleepy.