Calling Doctor Midnight
Calling Captain Strong
There was a hero in my heart
But I don't know where he's gone.

Calling Emperor Norton
Calling Robin Hood
I wish that my life mattered
I wish I'd done some good.

Calling Doctor Darkness
Calling Mr. Shade
A villain's just a hero
Too many times betrayed.

Goodbye Lady Starlight
Goodbye Countess Jade
I was too scared to win your love
So I settled for getting laid.

Calling the Commander
Can you send a squadron in?
My lower back's gone out on me
And my hair is getting thin.

Goodbye Tailspin Johnson
Goodbye Victor Ace
Because I never dared to fly
I can't look you in the face.